So where is he? When is he coming? and what in the world is
taking his behind so
long?...I know that's what you're thinking, and I completely
understand how you feel. Waiting for the man God has for you can get annoying,
frustrating, and at times feel hopeless. It's not an easy path to walk, but
when done right, it is without a doubt going to provide the most benefit. Does
God really have a man just for you? Well to be honest, the answer is yes and no.
It's "no" in the sense that you are not locked in to get a specific
man, no matter what you do. The idea that there is a soul mate who you are
guaranteed to be with is simply not true. You have decisions in life you have
to make, and plenty of people make choices that block them from being with the
person who is truly best for them.
Notice I said "the person who is truly best for
them". This is where I believe the term "soul mate" can be
applied, and this is where the "yes" comes in when asked the question
"does God really have a man just for you?" God knows every person who
will walk into your life. He knows who will align with your purpose, and be
able to have a successful relationship with you. He will embrace any choice you
make, but what you think is a good choice may not be God's choice.
Some of you are familiar with the phrase "wait for your
Boaz". For those of you who are not familiar with it, allow me to give a
quick explanation. Boaz is a character from the Book of Ruth in the Bible. Ruth
was a woman who ultimately received this man as a husband, and many people in
the church use this story when speaking to single women hoping to someday
receive a great relationship and marriage in their life. So to say "wait for
your Boaz" is basically a reference or symbolic of saying wait for the man
God has for you. Because when you move forward in obedience, patience, and
faith, then you can receive your blessing. So again, the question is,
"does God have a man that is just for you?" Well to be technical, if
you read the scripture 1 Corinthians 11:9 KJV it states "Neither was the man
created for the woman; but the woman for the man." Basically you were
created to be a blessing to a great man who puts God first. Not that this is
your only purpose, but in regards to relationships, this is the dynamic. With
that said, you have to be able to recognize who is worthy of you as their
blessing, and who you truly best fit with. This list will help you with
recognizing the qualities that need to be in place before you move forward with
that man, and a glimpse into the work you have to put in for him to receive you.
1.
You
Will Be Attracted To Him
You know what they say, "God don't like ugly!" Ok,
I know that quote isn't referring to looks, but have you ever sat down and thought
about what God thinks about the issue of attraction? Do you really think God is
expecting you to be with someone you have no physical attraction to? Are you
someone who believes "looks don't matter", and that it's only what's
on the inside that counts? Everyone is beautiful in their own way and in the
eyes of God. However, don't be fooled into thinking God is trying to set you up
for a romantic relationship that lacks a physical attraction. The reality is
that a physical attraction is what takes a relationship from platonic to
romantic. Think about it...Do you know what a relationship without physical attraction
is? It's called a friendship, or roommates, or even play cousins, you get the point.
When you find two people who get along great and you ask one of them why they aren't
trying to be in a relationship with the other, the most popular answer you get
is "I'm not attracted to him/her". Attraction is the missing
ingredient and God is fully aware of this dynamic. What's on the inside is what
truly counts, but that doesn't mean what's on the outside gets completely
dismissed. However, let's not confuse "looks" with
"attraction". You see, the man God has for you may come in a package
you never expected. He may not have the "looks" that you feel you
want in a man. He may not be as tall as you dream about, he may have a
different build, and a completely different style. The possibilities are wide open,
but what he will have is the fact that you are "attracted" to him.
Despite what a person's preferences may be, everyone has come across people
that fell outside that profile, yet they still found themselves attracted to
that person. You shouldn't get so stuck on a certain look, but nobody should
expect you to bypass a lack of attraction just for the sake of being with
someone who is a "good guy". It's typically a setup for disaster, and
that isn't what God wants for you. But wait, looks will fade, so isn't it
shallow to embrace superficial desires? NO! Again, looks is one thing,
attraction is another. There are plenty of elderly couples who don't look like
what they did when they were younger, but do not get it twisted, because they can
still be ATTRACTED to their partner. They still have that twinkle in their eye,
and they still see beauty when they look at each other. There is a big
difference between naturally aging, and letting yourself go. Many who have let
themselves go have seen attraction fade, but many who have gracefully aged have
not had to struggle the same.
Ultimately God wants to be glorified in all that he blesses
you with. The reality is that if He only gave you a good guy that you're not
attracted to, then the glory would fall short. Why? Because you wouldn't be as
excited and into it. Have you seen a woman who is with a man she isn't
attracted to? If you have, then I'm sure you have noticed her lack of energy,
excitement, and desire with that man. That is not ideal, and God only wants the
best for you. The man God has for you may not come in the package you expected,
but he will be able to provide you with exactly what you needed. Which includes
love and attraction.
2.
He
Will Love & Cherish You, Not Mistreat & Disrespect You
I know what you may be thinking. You're thinking this is an
obvious one. Or that this is "common sense". You're thinking women
should already know this. Well, common sense isn't always so common, and it's
really easy for someone to get blinded when engaged in an unhealthy attachment.
You or a friend of yours can find yourself in, or be in a situation like this,
but you're not seeing it for what it is. What is obvious disrespect to one person,
may be viewed differently by another. What is a blatant lack of love and
attention to one person, may simply be exactly what their parents had, so it
all seems normal to the person who is in it. One person's perceived reality is
not another person's perceived reality, but it all still only has one truth at
the end of the day. Everybody makes mistakes, but consistent negative behavior
is not a mistake. It is proof of deeper issues that if left unaddressed will go
on to wreak havoc in your life. That principle is true of your issues, but in
this case we are talking about the men you choose to romantically entertain in
your life. If he isn't willing to work on his issues, then he isn't the man for
you. If he isn't willing to hear you out and try to embrace how you feel, then he
isn't the man for you. If he is abusive verbally and/or physically, then he is
not the man for you. Don't look for ways to give a pass to destructive behavior
and to ignore the red flags slapping you in the face. You are not here to be
any man's verbal, physical, or emotional punching bag.
You are God's child. You are his daughter. A good father
only wants the best for his
daughter, and would not ask for you to be with a man who
isn't willing to love and cherish you as you deserve. He would want that man to
be an extension of him, a man that he knows has only good intentions, and wants
to protect your mind, body, and spirit. There is no father greater than God, so
you better believe He only wants you to have a great relationship filled with
love and positive energy. It's not that He expects perfection, but the man
should have a genuine desire to honor God blessing him with you in his life.
3.
You
Will Not Have To Make Him Into A Man
God has a man for you, not a boy you have to mold into a
man. This idea that you need to grow with a man who has yet to first come into
his own, is misguided. Yes you can be the source of inspiration and motivation.
Yes you can be loving and supportive. Yes you can pour into him in ways that
contribute to his growth. HOWEVER! all of this can be done while you are his
FRIEND! Like actual friends, not the acting like you’re his girlfriend, and
giving him some booty friends. God didn't call you to be in a relationship with
a boy who has yet to become a man.
You run a lot of risks trying to be in a relationship with a
man's "potential". In most cases you will find yourself making a huge
investment of time and energy, only to end up feeling cheated by the lack of
return on your investment. While you think you're building him up, all you're
really doing is making things convenient for him. You're providing all of these
benefits when he has yet to become qualified for the job. Not only is he not qualified
at the moment, but he isn't putting in the extra work, yet you continue to give
him all he could ask for. Do you really think this will push him to higher
levels, or do you see how someone can easily become content and complacent in
this position? Forget him for a second, let's talk about you. While you're so
busy trying to "build a man", you're not pouring enough into
yourself. You're so consumed by this guy, that you have forgotten about the
things God wants you to focus on in your life. You may be a great woman, but
there is still work for you to do while becoming and continuing to be the woman
God wants you to be. It's not your responsibility to make a boy into a man, unless
that boy is your own child. You were not made to be anyone's crutch, you were designed
to be a man's partner and helper. This brings me to the next thing you should know...
4.
He Is
Looking For A Helpmate, Not A Playmate
Boys always want to play and men are always ready to work.
Boys look for playmates, and men desire a helpmate. Do you see where I'm going
with this? The man God has for you is looking for something more than someone
to play with. He isn't about all the games and child's play. He is a much more
focused individual who has a grasp of what he wants to accomplish in his life
and in a relationship. Lies, unwillingness to commit, disrespect, and other
negative behaviors are not signs of a man who is serious about you. They are signs
of a man who is only looking to play with you. You may be thinking, "maybe
he isn't ready to commit now, but if I stay in his life long enough then when
he's ready he'll pick me to be with". You see, now he isn't playing you,
you're just playing yourself. Sure it's possible, but how many women have you
seen try this only to end up empty handed or watch him go be with another
woman? Don't worry I'll answer that for you...to dang many, that's how much!
It's a flawed approach, and you should not consider it going forward. If you
don't want to end up being a man's playmate then you shouldn't play games either.
A man that is God approved to be with you is a man who is
trying to work with you. He has built himself up to this point, but now he
wants to build greater things with you. The last thing he is trying to do is
play you, and he is only interested in making you feel more secure about being
with him. The boys will bring you confusion and chaos. The men desire to
provide you with clarity and peace. So if necessary, go make yourself a sign
that reads, "No boys, no games, just men." Make sure you adhere to
it.
5.
You
Will Experience A Genuine Connection With Him
In life you're going to come across a lot of men who catch
your eye. You're going to meet and talk to several guys you like. You may even
have a few situations where you think you love this man. However, you're not
going to experience a deep and genuine connection with all of them. To be
honest, a lot of people don't experience a special connection with more than
one person; however there are some exceptions to that rule. One way or another,
having a genuine connection is a special experience. It doesn't happen with
most people. Which is why a special connection is a strong indicator of a man
being the one God has for you. There was a 32 year old woman named Michelle who
reached her breaking point. She was frustrated with her lack of a relationship,
and with feeling all of the guys she met were only after sex. She was ready to
swear off dating and relationships, and to simply focus on her career. Before
she took that step, she decided to pray one last time and ask God to finally
bless her with the man for her. She felt she was a good woman and deserved to
receive a good man. Two days later she happened to go to a networking event.
While she was there she met a handsome, well put together man. He was exactly
her style at about 6'1, strong frame, and a very nice smile. They spoke at the
event and got along very well. It lead to exchanging numbers and her going home
a very happy woman. She was excited and praised God. She felt this just might
be "the one".
Well, time progressed. They went from dating to being in a
relationship. During this time she spoke to me about her situation and the
potential for it to turn into marriage. I was happy for her, but couldn't help
but pick up on the vibe that something wasn't right. I asked her more questions
about their relationship. It became clear that though they got along, they
didn't really have a genuine and deep connection. They both like what each other
brought to the table, but that doesn't mean they truly enjoy sitting and eating
at the table together. Think about what I just said. They like all the hype and
surface benefits of this relationship. However, take that away, and there isn't
much else going on here.
To make a long story short, this relationship eventually
failed, and never made it to marriage (thank God). He was not the man God had
for her. The proof was in their lack of a genuine connection. Without it a
relationship will not have long term success. Without it, you can be assured
this is not the man for you. To have a connection, it's like two spirits
recognizing its counterpart. It isn't driven by what you see on the surface or what
you break down logically in your mind. It will be born from within. It will
occur naturally. This is what God has waiting for you. This is something to be
mindful of when determining which man to embrace in your life.
6.
He
Will Love God
There is no perfect man; therefore, there is no perfect man
of God. Many may try to present themselves as such, but everyone has their flaws.
The reality is God isn't telling you the man he has for you will get it all
right, but he will be a man who strives for better. Why? Because he will love
God, which in turn will equip him with a great foundation to be able to truly
love you. There is no point in God giving you a man who has no desire to put
Him first. That would already show his priorities aren't in order, and it will
throw off the entire relationship. He may know who God is, he may be able to
quote scripture, or even claim God told him you're his wife. However, if his
actions do not show a man with his heart in God, then he isn't the man or isn't
ready to be the man to be given the honor of holding on to your heart.
He may be in the church, but that doesn't mean he truly has
a relationship with God.
Again, it isn't about him being perfect because he will certainly
have his flaws. However, there is a difference between a man who loves God but
struggles with his flesh versus a man who loves his flesh and struggles with
embracing God. One can acknowledge he has weaknesses and humble himself in
understanding that he needs to do better. The other will try to validate and
excuse his flaws while dismissing the need for any correction. "By their
fruit you will recognize them" ~ Matthew 7:16. Not simply the words he
speaks.
There are men who can scream Hallelujah, but only have
intentions to bring you hell. You may be thinking, "Well what if he just
isn't there yet? Maybe I'm supposed to help him get to God?" True, but
that can be accomplished as a friend, not while giving him girlfriend/wife
benefits. It isn't your job to "save him" through a romantic
relationship. God loves you, and he hasn't called you to take on that
responsibility in that way. Trust that the process must be handled differently,
and that God wouldn't want you to take that next step until this man loves Him
enough to be trusted with handling the blessing of being with you.
7.
He
Will Want All Of Your Love, Not Just A Piece Of It
A whole man wants a whole woman. Let that marinate for a
second.... matter of fact let me repeat that for you. A whole man wants a whole
woman. You desire a man that is well rounded and well put together, so what do
you think he wants? You want a man who can be open, honest, and give you all of
his love. Well what do you think he will want? You would love to have a man who
doesn't come with a heap load of baggage and issues that will only have a
negative impact on a relationship. Well have you checked your bags at the door?
There is a piece of advice that you may have heard before.
It says that you should find a man who loves you more than you love him. If you
agree with this piece of advice, then I want you to sincerely know that you
have lost your ever-loving mind. Ok, maybe that's too harsh, but you have
certainly been misled and bamboozled. This is some of the worst advice ever
told (no shade to those who have given it). Again, a whole man wants a whole
woman. The only reason you would be looking for someone who loves you more is
because you are still damaged from the one who hurt you. The only way you could
even attempt to quantify that someone loves you more than you love them, is if
you're not truly in love with them at all. So you see, all of this would mean
you were not a whole woman, and you would simply be trying to entertain an
incomplete relationship.
So again I ask, have you checked your bags at the door? The
man God has for you wants every bit of you. He wants to give you his all, and
wants the same in return. You say you want that kind of love, but are you
truly, and I mean truly, prepared to give it? Are you asking "God Where Is
My Boaz?" but in reality love scares you, and "Boaz" can't save
you. You may have your walls up so high, that you wouldn't be able to see the
man God has for you when he comes into your life. You may be thinking that you
will bring those walls down when that man finally comes. Well read this
carefully; No man can heal you, no man can make you whole. You complete
yourself first, and then you will be able to bring and embrace that whole man
into your life. Now I need to tell you something, and this is very important
for you to understand. All of these things I mentioned are needed for you to
move forward with a man and have a long lasting, fulfilling, and amazing
relationship. However, this does not mean that you may not meet this man or
become aware of him before he has truly grown into his position of being with
you. You could come across a scenario where it's the right person, but the wrong
time. You both could need more time for growth, and God knows when it would be
best for you to move forward. This is why it is so important to pray, and ask
God before you try to make things happen with any man. You don't need to date
his potential, and you don't need to be with him with the belief that he will
eventually become the man you need. You seek God's guidance, and you take His
directions on how to proceed. This will save you a lot of headaches, and set
you up nicely for great success.
What God has for you is something Amazing, but that doesn't
mean the path to receiving your blessing is going to be an easy one. There is
work you have to put in, and that work starts with you. Yes, you are a great
woman as you are, but that doesn't mean there aren't steps that still need to
be taken on your end. There are many things to discuss here, and I highly
recommend you get your copy of the bestselling book "God Where Is My
Boaz" to gain more insight on what may be hindering your progress. So that
you can start to truly prepare and position yourself for the amazing life and
relationship God wants you to experience.
Source: www.stephanspeaks.com
